It Only Hurts When I Blog

Warning, Warning, Will Robinson!

Too Much Information has returned with a vengeance! It's back for an encore!

Do not read further unless you really WANT to hear about my visit to the dermatologist to have some skin tags removed, because I have decided to TELL ALL. What is a blog if not a vehicle for just these types of situations?

First - let's talk about 'skin tags' for a minute. You know what they are, don't you? Little evil mole-relatives that seem to grow on your skin like mushrooms on a log?

Since I am losing my mind, I also keep thinking of them as 'hang tags' for some reason. However, before I ever heard the name 'skin tags', I used to call them 'pully moles', because they stretch. Well, they DO! How many people are saying 'EEEEEEWWWW' and meaning it?

I arrived a few minutes early, which is always a good idea in case you have to fill out any paperwork or sign anything. There were several other near-comatose people in the waiting room, waiting and waiting for their name to be shouted out. Oh Joy, they're calling ME!!!

I was ushered to Room #5 by the teenaged-looking medical assistant, given a gown (to put on with the opening in the back) and left in privacy for a few minutes.

The medical assistant and the doctor arrived shortly, and we got down to BUSINESS.

Left armpit first. The removal process consisted of clipping (with small scissors) or cutting (with a small scalpel) these skin tags off, with or without a shot of numbing agent first. Sometimes it hurt, sometimes it didn't.

Then a sizzle (I'm not kidding) to stop any bleeding with a cauterizing (read that soldering) iron. Then a swab with some kind of wet stuff that stung, then a swab with polysporin goo, then a bandaid on a few bigger places.

The only humorous part was when the doctor was removing a skin tag under the left cheek of my ...derriere. She murmured to the assistant - 'Hold this up for me'.

The assistant didn't know what she meant and she repeated 'Hold this up for me?' The doctor said, 'Her left buttock - hold it up'. I died a thousand deaths of mortification, standing there while the doctor sawed away on my rear end. Thanks, doc.

One last thing - when I went to the desk to pay the bill, I noticed a little sign that said 'Check out'. I put my credit card on the counter and said 'Checking out of Room 5' and made the receptionist laugh.

All in all, a worthwhile way to spend a hundred bucks, be peppered with tiny red scabs for a while, all to get rid of some ugly mole-relatives.

You may not agree, but I think it was worth it. TTFN!