It Only Hurts When I Blog

It's Thursday, it's 'Survivor Day', it's 'So Long to Ace of American Idol Day', and it's 'I had a Blonde Moment Day'.

For some reason, only Thursday is listed on my calendar.

I really wasn't going to tell this, but it's a segue to what may be a funny, although embarrassing blog entry. ;-)

Quote of the day:
'She was what we used to call a suicide blond - dyed by her own hand.' Saul Bellow

Think back, now... All the way to YESTERDAY... Trizzle trazzle trazzle trone...

Remember the cat picture in yesterdays blog?

Remember I said you can see my hand in the picture?

Did anyone perceive something WRONG with that statement?

Confession: It could not have been my hand, because I was taking the picture of the cat. It was my daughters hand.

Blonde moment number 21,180,832. I need one of those incremental counters like they used to have for McDonalds. Now their boards just say 'billions and billions served'. I'm not into the billions yet - or maybe that's just because I can't remember them...

Here's a few blonde moments for you, just to prove to the world I CAN remember a few of them...

CONFESSION, right off the bat. Ok, Charlie had to help me remember a few of my blonde moments. Oops.

CONFESSION, right off the bat. I had to check whether to write 'blond' or 'blonde'. Both are acceptable.

You might say that I have at least one blonde moment every day, for still thinking I am blonde.

People who have only known me here in Tennessee probably ‘think’ I have brown hair.

It looks brown, it photographs brown, but I know I’m blonde. I can prove it… Here is a picture of me. So what if I'm only TWO or THREE. ;-)

When I was a child, my hair was white-blonde. After that, a slowly darkening blonde to brown. These days, throw in an OCCASIONAL gray until I pull it out, which might also count as blonde behavior.

Charlie once put a sign on the door saying ‘Karen, you live HERE’, because I drove past our own house the day before. Hey, I was THINKING. I was distracted. I was...blonde.

Charlie and I went to a Chinese restaurant in the middle of strip mall. I walked right past their front door, thinking it was further down. Charlie didn’t say a word, he stepped inside the correct door and just waited. Meanwhile, the restaurant staff had noticed what was going on. They actually scolded Charlie saying (insert accent here) 'You bad man! You let her keep walking. You not tell her. You bad man!' They were extra nice to me when I finally got in the correct door. ;-)

Recently at bedtime (because I'm UNEMPLOYED and hardly care anymore) I asked Charlie what day it was. I received confirmation it was Saturday. Moments later I reminded him he hadn’t set the alarm for work the next day. *sigh*. So much for my short term memory.

I have driven with my brain on auto pilot and missed the exit I needed to take. So much for my short term memory.

I stand at the (insert refrigerator, pantry, bathroom, living room, wherever) and can't remember what I was looking for. I say out loud - 'WHAT?', hoping to prompt myself into remembering what I was planning to do. Sometimes I even remember. At other times, I walk away, which must be my punishment for forgetting, because shortly after that I remember what I wanted.

I am almost ashamed to share this with you, but I’m BLONDE so I have to…
I read the little turn-tab on the spray bottle of Windex upside down.
First it said ‘OFF’.
The next turn of the dial said ‘NO’. So I kept turning…
Of course, NO upside down means ON. Oops.

Saying the wrong year. Writing the wrong year. Living the wrong year.

Saying the wrong decade. Writing the wrong decade. Living the wrong decade.

Saying the wrong century. Writing the wrong century. Living the wrong century.

ALWAYS turning the wrong way out of an elevator or from a hotel room. Charlie says that I walk in a circle, doing a homing maneuver. ;-)

When I switched from half and half to lowfat milk in my coffee, I wanted to measure half a cup (which is a lot) so I could count it as a little calcium. I remarked to Charlie - 'How will I know how much coffee to put in my cup so it won't be too full when I put the milk in?' Charlie answered - 'Put the milk in FIRST'.

Now why didn't I think of that? I never put the milk in first, that's why.

I just lost a bunch of respect out there, didn’t I?

Well, sometimes you have to admit your blondeness and move on. That provides closure.

Right? RIGHT? (silence)

Is anyone out there? (crickets chirping)

Hello? Hello? (echoes sound)

Will anyone read my blog ever again?

Come back! Come back! Aunty Em! Uncle Henry!