It Only Hurts When I Blog

Greetings, Entomolo-Bloggers!

I’m a little slow and groggy this morning after my trip. I am partially unpacked and just put in a load of laundry. I can't wait to go swim.

Yes, I did make Charlie's lunch this morning, and no, he didn't make one yesterday. ;-)

I did take the time this morning before blogging to have my cup of coffee and finish the book I was reading – ‘The Secret Life of Bees’ by Sue Monk Kidd.

The subject of Bees made me think of insects in general. I am not fond of bugs – crawling ones, stinging ones, flying ones, you get the picture. I’ve seen 2 ants so far this ‘bug season’, both in the guest bath. I squashed one and drowned the other. So, arrest me for murder. I have ant traps around the house now.

I do like inanimate bugs like the creepy crawlers we used to make out of plastic goo, and bugs depicted on clothing, art objects and pottery.

Don’t BUG me, now, and tell me bugs are really nice and that all creatures are special. As a matter of fact, I will usually think nothing of swatting a bug vs. gently, lovingly carrying it outdoors where it came from and releasing it back into the wild. Sorry, Discovery Channel. I also take a sick pleasure in vacuuming bugs. Sorry, PETA.

My daughter used to name the bugs and bees outdoors, and loved watching them. She’d say ‘Oh, look – that was Buzzer going by…’ Ask her now about how she feels about spiders, as times have changed. ;-)

There are bugs that violate your personal (skin) space. You can’t even SEE them and they burrow themselves into your skin as you work outside, unaware, appearing in a day or two as itchy red welts that make you beg to cut your skin off.

Yes, I am talking about the evil that is known as a CHIGGER (imitate Joe Pesci saying ‘What is a grit?’). In New England, where I am from, there are no CHIGGERS. Here in the South – if you have the nerve to sit in a patch of grass without putting SEVIN on it first (funny thing that bug poison sounds the same as a very scary evil movie) it’s your own fault. Shame on you. ‘CHIGGERS’ is a 4-letter word twice over, and that’s the honest truth. ;-)

Charlie can go out to the garden without insect repellent on, and the bugs ignore his 'tough, manly hide'. I can go out WITH insect repellent and still get bites. Bugs have been known to hide out ON Charlie, waiting until bedtime, so they can leave him and bite ME. Sigh.

I have had dreams of bugs 'en masse' swarming in the house, travelling under the floorboards and in the walls, and one particularly unpleasant dream of millions of bugs travelling across my brother's bed and pillow while he was sleeping. Eeeew! Dr. Phil - what does that mean?

I love to pick fresh berries, which I immediately wash and freeze to make homemade jam with all year ‘round. The biggest issue with picking berries are the BUGS, and perhaps some other dangerous things that sound like bugs.

I came close to swatting a hummingbird one day because it was buzzing above my head. I’m so glad I looked before I leaped. I sure hope I never hear a snake buzz, I have been able to avoid the rattlesnakes so far while berry picking. I’ll tell you about getting set upon by a wild turkey another time.

My friend and her children came out to visit me years ago. They had always lived in the city, and I lived in a rural area. When the fireflies came out that evening - the children were absolutely ENCHANTED saying 'What's THAT? What's that LIGHT?' Can you imagine never having seen a firefly? That is so wrong!

Charlie is the strawberry grower and picker in the household. Thank you, Charlie! He helps with the blackberries and blueberries too. However, I must say that I am the primary blackberry picker, and those blackberry vines exist to try to scratch the life right out of you.

‘Life is like a blackberry vine, grasshopper Karen. All is fresh, sweet and juicy, loving and giving till you try to back away from it with your handful of fruit. Then it grabs you, sucks your blood, and makes you drop the fruit and run.’ I guess that is how prickly vines reproduce – they urge you and tempt you to pick from them, then stab you and make you drop your prize, thereby enriching and encouraging new growth of the species. It’s a vicious cycle.

For the last couple of years, the japanese beetles have been a real problem around here. Charlie bought some beetle traps that use attractant to draw the beetles away from your plants. Let me tell you something - they WORK. By the way - Charlie chooses the location for these traps carefully. Don't put them anywhere near your house or you will have thousands upon thousands of amorous beetles marching through your yard to participate in the Woodstock love fest at the trap.

Writing this blog entry is making my head and ankles itch. Is anyone else experiencing bug bite symptoms? If so, you have my permission to withdraw. Put some alcohol on it and call me in the morning. For chiggers, some people swear by painting the bites with nail polish. For the heebie jeebies you get from thinking about bugs and bug bites, there is no known cure.

I have to take a break here and toss a shot of antihistamine… Later, Gators!